December 13th, 1916
Received by James Padgett.
Washington D.C.
I am here, Caesar.
Well, I merely want to say that since I last wrote you I have followed your advice and have listened to the advice of the high spirits to whom you sent me, and I have been praying as they instructed me, and now I am in a much better condition than I was, and the view that I now have of life in the spirit world is very different.
I am still in some darkness, but light is breaking into my soul and consciousness, and I am commencing to realize that my fate as I have for so many years conceived it to be is not fate at all, and that my conception of what my fixed state was is all wrong, and was the child, if I may so call it, of my condition of mind and beliefs that came to me when I came to the spirit world and realized that the fact of my having been what the world called a great man on earth did not fit me for any greatness in the spirit world. I was then so disappointed and shocked by finding myself a naked spirit of qualities that brought me into darkness and suffering that I tried to avoid the association of all other spirits, and nursed my disappointment in isolation and the belief that for me there could be no change in my condition, or possible progress out of the awful lonesomeness and weariness of my soul.
And now, when I know how different the truth is, I feel that all these long years of my spirit life have been wasted, and I bewail the fate that held me so long in that condition of stagnation and pride and resentment and utter hopelessness. I am now so thankful that I came to you when I did and told you of my condition; and when I realize that my coming to you was more a matter of curiosity to be satisfied - that I could communicate with the mortal world than because of any hope of receiving any help or benefit that could possible come to me, I thank my curiosity.
When you told me the things that you did, I thought that you were an idle dreamer, and the recipient of some of the harmless vices that existed among the men of my earthly days who used to declaim upon the glories of the spirit world. I had no faith in them, and I had none in you; and it was only when I realized that you were so earnest in what you were declaring to me, and when I came in contact with the higher spirits that you called to my assistance and saw that they had in them something that I had not - and which I had never seen in any other spirit - did I commence to think that what you had told me might have some foundation of truth.
And I also thought that I could not make my condition any worse by listening to these spirits and learn what they had to tell me as to what they declared was the truth of spirit progress; and the more I listened the more interested I became. After a while I was convinced that there might be some truth in what they so earnestly asserted to be true, and as an experiment I concluded to follow their advice and seek for this wonderful love that they told me would not only relieve me from my darkness and suffering but would make a new spirit of me in body and soul.
And oh, the wonderful surprise and experience that came to me; for I am no longer the gloomy, despondent and isolated Emperor, but a mere spirit who recognizes that death is the great leveller, and that rank and position and greatness of earth do not in one iota determine the status of the spirit for position of exaltation. I am now in my consciousness a plain spirit, having those qualities only which the condition of my soul gives me, and realize that I must pursue the same course and suffer the same purgatory as must other spirits in the same condition of soul, be they princes or peasants.
Well, as I said, I am so thankful that this knowledge has come to me, for now I am rid of pride and ideas of superiority and all those things that had caused me to believe that the Almighty had treated me unjustly in not recognizing my earthly qualities and giving me a position which, as I believed, my greatness entitled me to. I resented all this and in my resentment, I became a spirit who fed on my imaginary injuries and thoughts that I would be sufficient unto myself, and not seek the favor of such a God. So you see what can be the effect of arrogance and pride and a self-glorious estimate of one small mind upon the possibility of a spirit's happiness and progress.
But now these things have left me and I realize that I am a nothing, except that I am a child of God and the object of His Love, as your spirit friends have told me and are telling me. And in my humility - and I am humble, for I want to tell you that my fall was great and the consciousness of my littleness extreme - I know that I need the help of the Father in order to become in the least degree a spirit of light. And I am praying and longing and seeking, oh so earnestly, for this Love. Caesar the once mighty is now Caesar the most humble and weak, but the most hopeful. I realize the greatness of God's mercy and the great possibility of its making me one of these glorious angels that came to you so often with their messages of truth and salvation to mankind.
I was considered on earth a man of brilliant mind and wonderful intellect, and what of this I had I still possess; and now that the way has been shown me, I am exercising these qualities to the best of my ability to help me in my search for truth and light.
I thought that I would write this tonight, for I know that you are interested in my advancement, and besides, it does me much good to tell you. I am praying and longing, and these spirits are praying with me; but as yet, I have not very much of this Love in my soul, but enough to know - I say know - that it is real and that it makes the hard, unbelieving soul open up to the inflowing in greater abundance of its Divine essence. The Father is good, and I am trusting Him; and with all the possibilities of my soul I am longing for its filling with this Love and the getting rid of all these century-old doubts and hardness of heart and unbeliefs.
I know the way and now I will never relapse into the state of mind that was mine for so many centuries; and I can say that Caesar has seen the beacon light of hope and the great sun of knowledge that these things which the loving spirits tell me are true. I must stop now, but as I progress I should like to come to you and describe my progress. I will say good night, and subscribe myself.
Your friend and well wisher,
Julius Caesar.